What are you watching? Also short reviews

A non Spoiler Review of Splice
I’d be meaning to see this film for a bit. Here is the thing - This isn’t a horror film or hell a creature film. It’s a high budget Outer Limits Revival (90’s Outer Limits) episode. No joke. There were too many moments just made bother me as a writer. There aren’t suddenly out of nowhere events. However the main characters behaviors are badly inconsistent. The main design of the creature is kinda neat but that’s really the only good things about this film. The plot is a mess. The story is a mess. The ending is a mess. This film is not worth owning. I can not recommend watching unless you watch with a group of friends to snark at, make fun of all the bad stuff.
For me this goes into a special PURGE category for me, I know I saw it but unless someone brings the film up or ask if it is good, I act like the film never existed.
TLDR - I did not enjoy this film. Creature design was neat though.


I remember nothing about significant about this movie besides dna being spliced into people make scary rapey monster. Film had great potential if they focused on the story and plot though. Really liked the idea but poor execution.


Crimson Peak - A non Spoiler Review:
This is not my first time I’ve seen this film. I really like Guillermo del Toro as a director. Especially when people just let him do what he wants and not interfere, invitation for anyone to ask me what happened with him and the Hobbit… short version he got pushed out. This is a horror film I really like it. Now it is not perfect. However I want to focus on what it does well: Tone. It has that rare tone of horror. You know the old school dread of you know something terrible is going to happen but it’s a slow process. The characters stay consistent. The music is really good for the film. The house itself is a character as well and they did a really good job. You’re reading this and probably thinking well what’s the problem. The “scares” just made me shrug and they were cheap jump scares mostly. I do own this film and will rewatch it throughout the years. Would I recommend this? Yes but understand you are walking into a slow burn horror film that isn’t perfect but overall I’d put it as good.

Why am I watching horror stuff?: I don’t know if many of you know this but horror is kinda like my jam. I really like good horror and when I start to watch one it leads to a domino effect of me watching other horror films and stuff. Also rewatching horror that I’ve already seen. So get ready for a slew of mini non spoiler review of horror films and tv shows I’ve watched or am watching.


The Haunting of Hill House and The Haunting of Bly Manor - Non Spoiler Review
They are both on Netflix…

Yes these are both TV Horror shows. Also they are separate but they are directed and written by the same people. So I felt it appropriate to write a non spoiler review of both because what I have to say about them is almost the exact same thing. See these are Anthologies… ie standing alone but themes are similar. That theme being horror.

What both of these do with horror, they do it extremely well. To say I was impressed would be an understatement. They get horror and they get it right. The horror they do in both is perfect and clever. It’s subtle. Some unexpected. But all executed masterfully.

Let me talk about the catch and let me quote Elmore first, “If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.” Why am I quoting that. Dear friends this also applies to scripts especially scripts that have what I call “DRAMA JUST TO HAVE DRAMA”. Now this doesn’t mean drama is bad or should be dropped but there is such a thing as having too much and poor execution. Both of these show suffer from that. The 1st one is the worst offender. The drama drowns out a lot and distracts from the story. If a viewer can tell you the writer are just putting drama into the story because drama is needed for the story, then you have failed as a writer. Drama happens natural over the course of time, just like horror. It isn’t suddenly out of nowhere. Nor is it you give a character an issue just because that’s what the trope demands and now it leads to drama. How in the world do you get horror right but you fail at drama? This is a literal paradox. The 2nd show started off very promising and if it had stayed with that very promising start I would have been happy with it. BUT NO. The 2nd show fell into the drama trap like the other one did. ARGH. Maybe they’ll get it right with a 3rd haunting show but I doubt it.

Would I recommend this?: For the Horror Yes but just be ready to deal with drama that is a tad overkill. This ends up with both being just okay. Which frustrates me because they could have been perfect and I see that.


Pan’s Labyrinth - Non Spoiler Review Watched in the OG Spanish with English Subs
I did say I really liked Guillermo del Toro as a director and this is part of why. This film is perfect by my standards. And you know my standards are very high. This is a horror film in two ways: Imaginary and the real. The main character is a child and for her both of these are real. Just in case I’m going to blur a few vague statements that could be consider spoilerish (I don’t directly spoil but I feel it safe to blur. Please do not read if you have not seen the film.) The film also expertly weaves the story of love between a sister and her baby sibling. Legit this film is how you test if a person has a soul because there is no way you will have not strong emotions to events.. Child actors are tricky but the main character is solid. The aspects of horror work with the story of the film. The design of the creatures was neat. It’s not a scary film per say but still a horror film. The pacing is solid. The soundtrack for this film is a work of art all on it’s own and hauntingly beautiful. Why did I watch this in Spanish when there is an English Dub? Two reasons: One I always watch a film in it’s original language with English subtitles. Two is a very important one Rhythm. The rhythm of the Spanish language for this film just enhances the story it is telling. It was also how the director intended for it to be watched.

Would I recommend this film?: Yes with a caveat of brace for feels.

This film achieved the rare honor of being a film by which I measure other films of it’s kind against and that is no small feat.


the future they promised: cyberpunk 2077 but not buggy

the future we are gonna get:

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Watched Deadpool cause it’s free on Prime.

idk, it was okay, I guess?
tbh, I don’t understand the hype. There wasn’t really much going on, just your average origin story but it was really stretched out and nothing much else happened afterwards.
Some stuff seemed forced like the Hello Kitty toothpaste (I think that what it was) right the start of the movie. Why? “Brutal action movie, so the silly pink thing seems out of place and that makes it funny”?
Some scenes were kinda serious, then others a bit over the top with humor.
Overall I personally think it’s overhyped. It’s an okay movie to shut off your brain and just watch some action and laugh at some jokes.
Oh, but they had full on nudity in a scene, so that’s a plus. Would watch again just for that.

To be fair, if Amazon had the 2nd movie included in Prime too I would’ve watched it. I’m not paying 4€ to watch it or 6€ for a digital copy. Maybe some day when there’s a box with both movies for 10€.

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I think the majority of the hype is because it was countering the marvel and normal DC styles of movies coming out at the time; specifically the avengers. Watching it now, and the second one after it without that surrounding… conflict? Culture? Whatever it would be called makes it a lot less amusing. I still like the movie but the second one is much better to go back and rewatch now; especially the extended/uncut version of the second movie.

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Yeah, I can see the appeal and remember the surprise on the internet when there was suddenly a Rated R Marvel movie.
DC was always a bit more depressing and less Happy Ending than Marvel, so the impact wouldn’t have been all that big.

Weird enough, though: both movies are 16+ here which is the same as Wolverine, Birds of Prey/Suicide Squad, Lord of the Rings. No idea what exactly makes a movie 18+ here. John Wick 3 for example is 18+. But Deadpool is already pretty brutal with all the killing, yet it’s only 16+.

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cause he was all

and apparently being a giant douche is gud comedy

besides he was a hit actor at the time

other than the back and forth with tj miller, and the old lady, was pree blah, the intro stuff with the whole try hard edgeboi making fun of the producer etc in text pretty forced, not funny at all, mostly pree bad anytime they tried a bit with him narrating

not super terrible atleast

Idolizing antagonists.

ye i guess

Just finished the last episode of Invincible on Prime.
For something that isn’t Marvel and DC (thankfully) it’s a pretty decent superhero cartoon.

From The Walking Dead creator Robert Kirkman, and based on the Skybound/Image comic of the same name by Kirkman, Cory Walker, and Ryan Ottley, Invincible is an adult animated superhero show that revolves around seventeen-year-old Mark Grayson (Steven Yeun), who’s just like every other guy his age – except that his father is the most powerful superhero on the planet, Omni-Man (J.K. Simmons). But as Mark develops powers of his own, he discovers that his father’s legacy may not be as heroic as it seems.

The biggest WTF moment happens right in the first episode but I’m still gonna refrain from spoiling it.

It’s interesting and entertaining. Not a masterpiece by any means but if you want to just watch something and relax or chow down some food, this is alright.
Leaves some stuff to be fleshed out but has potential for more seasons. Overall a solid foundation.

Still have some itch for not-too-serious superhero stuff and this one is also included with Prime, so why not?

I remember watching the cartoon when I was younger, don’t really remember anything else about it. Definitely not the serious kind of superhero like Batman.

I’m currently trying to finish Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated cause it’s only for another few days included in Prime. Exactly the reason why I don’t buy into streaming services.

But it’s a good show. Production quality is definitely better than the old show but they’re keeping it close to the OG material (art style improved but they kept the details like characters not having the white part in their eyes, etc).
Even though it’s always the same (some spook going on, the gang investigates, Fred builds a trap, the monster turns out to be a person) the cases are always interesting. They also sprinkled some relationship stuff in but I don’t mind cause it’s very subtle and fits right in. Great balance.

I wouldn’t mind getting the seasons on physical media (Bluray preferred) but there are only DVDs as IT/US import IF you can get all of them. S1 is available as digital purchase (not too bad ~8€ total) but S2 is not, so…meh.

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i wonder where this vampire came from that is stealing all the valuables and scaring away our busienss, ooh no its the janitor who has the keys to the building and knows hte layout like the back of their hand, I never would’ve guessed that

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To be fair, these episodes aren’t quite as transparent as to who the culprit is. They throw in some things that throw you off a bit. But in the end it does make sense why this person is the culprit and not the one who you suspected. And it’s not too obvious either, like well this person clearly has a motive. but I’m sure it’s not the real culprit cause there’s always a surprise reveal at the end.
It’s no nobel price of literature tier writing. It’s still for kids. But paired with the nostalgia it’s a great watch. Kinda like soul food of your childhood but with a spin that hits your adult tastebuds just right.

Plus, there’s a “big” mystery case that occasionally develops in the regular cases.

edit: oh, one more thing: something that’s not unpleasant but I’ll never get used to: Sheriff Bronson Stone’s VA is Patrick Warburton, aka Joe Swanson aka Kronk. It’s so hard not to think of Joe Swanson when I hear his voice.

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I saw Men the film Directed and Written by Alex Garland. Non-Spoiler Review

When I heard that Alex Garland would be doing a horror film, I was hyped. I’ve followed his career from when he wrote 28 Days Later, Dredd (Though by all accounts he was the one who directed it), Directed & Wrote Ex Machina, Directed & Wrote Annihilation, and Directed & Wrote Devs (TV Show).

So how was this film? This is a slow burn existential horror film. It also felt like I was watching a 2000 AD Horror story come to life, which I mean I am all for cause I like 2000 AD. This film raises questions about the main character, without saying what those questions are in the film. There is symbolism in this film. It does a good job of show and not tell.

The soundtrack for the film felt like a gothic horror continuation of the Annihilation soundtrack, which I mean it’s the same composers so I wasn’t surprised by this. I liked the music for the film.

Would I recommend this film? If you would like to see a slow burn existential horror film, then this film might be for you, though its a bit weird film. Fair warning this film does raise disturbing questions, and has disturbing images.

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Mini Non-Spoiler Review of The Batman Directed and Written by Matt Reeves

Once upon I could tell you the entire lore of Batman. His best stories, arcs, history, symbolism. All that. And then in 2011 I stopped reading Batman. I gave away almost all of the graphic novels I had to a devoted Batman fan. That does change the fact I still like the character.

When I heard Matt Reeves would be doing a Batman film, I was pretty hopefully. He did an excellent job with the modern Planet of the Ape trilogy.

This was the first time since Micheal Keaton, I’ve seen another actor pull off being Bruce Wayne and Batman in live action. Robert Pattinson Bruce is tortured. This is the 2nd year of him being Batman. People have heard of him but he isn’t the icon or legend just yet. It was pretty amazing to see Batman fight and see all of it. The suit is pretty in line with the Arkham games. You can hear him move in it, making the subtle sound to remind you it is a suit of armor.

The music for this film is perfect. The song for Batman isn’t an anthem, you could sing to. No, it’s a dirge of an unstoppable force. An unyielding foe.

It was great to see Batman be an actually detective.

The story was interesting to see play out and it took some beats I didn’t predict which is a rare feat for a film to do.

Here is one thing to bare in mind even before the release date for this film was announced, they already announced that Matt Reeves would be doing three of them,. After seeing this, I can say I am looking forward to the next film.

Would I recommend this? If you are looking for a slow burn detective film, where the detective is dressed like a Bat and fights people, this is the film for you.

I’ve been on a horror movie trip for the past couple weeks and not only started expanding my collection of blu rays but also watched a couple of them already (or on Amazon Prime).

The Conjuring 1-3

The Conjuring: Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren work to help a family terrorized by a dark presence in their farmhouse.

The Conjuring 2: Ed and Lorraine Warren travel to North London to help a single mother raising four children alone in a house plagued by a supernatural spirit.

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It: The Warrens investigate a murder that may be linked to a demonic possession.

I’ve really come to like that series and the universe it’s set in.
Classical possession movies but they don’t feel worn out or repeating and have a recurring constant that ties them together.

The Offering

The son of a Hasidic funeral director returns home with his pregnant wife to reconcile with his father. But there’s an evil presence lurking in the family morgue. An ancient entity with a sinister plan waits for his unborn child.

This one is a nice change from all the movies about demons where the catholic church steps in to save the day (or not).
Knowing nothing about the Jewish religion and culture I often felt lost as to what certain things mean but overall it was a surprisingly good horror movie.

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